First post after few years

It's been a while since i wrote down my feelings here.
2019 is almost end.Next year will be 2020.The year that everyone thought cars will no longer be on the road but in the air.Well, fuck that.
I'll be 30 next year.
Lucky for me, now my girlfriend is my wife.
I got 3 boys and a girl who just born last July.
How lucky i am? To be honest, i feel like I'm the luckiest person on earth.
I don't have a lot of money but i got a business with my good friends.Since my school time i have an ambition to not be working under any bosses till the rest of my life.And now, i got what i want.
Next year is where I need to start changing myself to be a role model for my kids.
My oldest, who is now 7 yo is already started to 'wants to be like Daddy'.So I need to be the best man i can be.My second son, will start his school next year.I hope his teachers can tolerate with his funny attitudes.
I don't write for a long time now and one day,my wife sent me a screenshot of my blog saying she missed reading my blog/thoughts.
So today, i try to get my self back into writing.
I hope i can do this as often as i can so when I'm gone, at least they can read what I left here.
So that's it for now.I'll write again later.
Thank you if you still reading my blog.
I hope you are having a good life.
Ciao!

is it hard?

Does it really hard to satisfied your heart,my love?

I've tried everything to make you smile all the time but I've failed everytime I try.

I know that I'm not the best but I'm trying to be the best for you.

I've soft my words,my voice,my moves towards you.

I tried to stop all my bad habits.

I try to work hard for our future.

But there's always one little small thing that will make you mad at me.

I'm really sorry for my imperfection.

But i want you to know,I love you with all my heart.

All My Heart

boopity bippity boo

no matter how much times goes by you'll always be by my side.

cause i couldn't stop loving u even if i tried !

i said i loved you 

but baby i lied,

bcuz there's more that love i feel inside.

i said i loved you but i think i was wrong because there's no way love could

'f e e l t h i s s t r o n g'.

i love you more than words can show.

i think about you more than you could ever know.

now until forever this will be true because there's

no one i could ever love

.. as much as i love you .. 

you gave me your up's and when i was feelin down.

you gave me your smiles when i began to frown.

you gave me your arms when i needed a hug.

you gave me your heart when i needed someone to love.

The End

you the one i dream of at night.

you the one who holds me tight.

you the one who's true to me.

together forever we will be. 

look in my eyes n tell me what you see

cuz when i'm staring into yours

i see my whole world ahead of me.

i look at you and i realize just

how much you've been a part of my life.

how special you are
and
 how much you've 

made me happy.
i look at you and i realize 

that heaven must be missing an angel.

i don't care
how many lips you've kissed

or
how many hands you've held. 

all i care
is not to be your first but your last.

.alittlebitofme.

 just when i felt like giving up on us.
you turned around and gave me one last touch.

that's made everything feel better.and even then my eyes got wetter.

 so confused, when i asked you if you love me. 

you held my hand so tight and whisper to my ears that's 

'you will never leave me till the end of this sweet dream'
"trust my words,cuz it's the only way to tell you that i need you more than you ever think"  

sleep

watch you're sleeping is the best time in a day of my life.

everyday i can't wait to watch you sleep.

it makes me realize how lucky i am to have you by my side.

i wish this thing between you and me,will last forever.

and i will fight for it to remained together till my last breathe.

sleep well my dear.

i'll be by your side when you wake up.

i'll hug you to keep you warm.

don't you worry about anything when you're with me.

because i'll make sure you're safe by my side.

i'm such a stupid boy

being away from u doesn't change anything.

i'm still loving u like i do.

there's nothing that can change that.

not a thing,not a person,not a dollar.

my feeling for is true.

i can feel it coz everytime my heart's beat,it's beat for u.

sorry coz i'm being such a stupid guy that hurts ur feeling.

never thought that my words were so poisonous to u.

i promise that i will never do the same again.

i'm willing to take ur heart,take care of it and make sure it's happy.

please trust me in what i do and believe in me.

at the deepest part in my heart,u can see it.

it says 'i love you forever'

c.w.t.g.b.i.m.h

can't wait to get back.

i miss her.

My little space

i'm back.

back to the square space that makes me a man.

i miss this space so much.

it reminds me about everything.

my life.my life started in this little space.

when i'm away,it's never feel the same like in this space.

thanks for everything that you gave me,my little space.

wishes..

i need to be stronger than before.

things keep on going complicated as time goes by.

friends doesn't seems like friends anymore.

eventhough they're smiling,i can see they're laughing inside.

looks like i'm turning into their harmful enemy.

is it me or them?

but she's always there,holding me closely to her.

that's what keep me going on,smiling.

it's hard,i meant really hard.

one thing playing through my mind right now,is running away.

but where?

another place to after another dream?

wish i have all the answers for all my questions in my head.

i wish..

me . her

days come and go

but i wish it can go faster when she's not here

i'm not the old me anymore

she's my lost bone and i don't want to lost it again

we met accidently and fall in love immediately 

how is she without me?

how am i without her?

please do not go away like this again

i'm tired of being away from you

dying

seriously,this is a fucking serious situation!

she's not here!

where's she?!

i miss her already.

come back soon my dear.

coz i'm dying here.

a serious deal with heart.

i'm totally fucking serious with you my dear.

please don't questioning my feeling for you.

everything that speak out from my lips,came from my heart.

i hate it when you're crying.

it felt like i can't make you happy.

but i'll try my best to keep my promises.

GDMRNG humans!!

can't sleep.just like the old days.

stay awake till sunrise and sleep in the middle of the day.

but i can't do the 'old habit' anymore.

she's sleeping beside me.

such a cute human that God have created.

i hope that she'll never gonna leave me.

LOL,she's bang her head to the wall.

it must be hurt,i can see that in her face.

i need to give her a morning kiss.

Good Morning Humans!

Dream or Reality?

i never thought its gonna be like this.

she's here by my side all the time.

i like her smile,her laugh,her 'ooh'.

i like everything bout her.

everytime she's away,i always thinking.

is this a wonderful dream or a happy reality?

if this is a dream,please God,don't wake me up.

if this is true,thank God for meeting me with her.

i don't want to lose her and i'll keep her smiling.

My Dear,i want you to know that I love you.

love is in the ass.

my life has changed since the first day i met her.

she totally stupid more than i ever thought.

best of all,she makes me happy.

no other girls can take her place right now.

coz she's the brightest star that i've ever seen.

finger crossed,we will together forever.

fuck you guys!

next week i'll move to a new place.

a new life will begin and a new place to stay.

hope everything's will be as i planned before.

can't wait to start a new chapter of my life.

i will fill it as much as i can so i won't feel empty.

all i can do right now is wait for the moment to come.

sorry mom,i really can't get into the government things.

there's a lot of stupid agenda and tricks in government that you won't understand,even if i tell you.

i don't want to get involve into corrupted agency that love to ruin people's life for their own good.

i'll find myself a good career that can give you happiness,but not in G-agency.sorry.

just wait there ok.

i'll be there soon and we will work hard to get it.

see ya.

Trust ME.

it's been a while.

need some time to gather up things,mind.

i will start as a new person.

with the same unpredictable mind.

but this time i will keep my head straight.

there's no turning back this time.

i'll kick every wall till it fall.

i'll punch every face till it bleed.

there's nothing will stop me now.

trust me.i'll do whatever it takes.

i trust ME.

Drum time

miss this moment